I’m single again, having just ended a two-year relationship with a man I realize now I should never have dated. In my defense, at first, he seemed pretty promising. He had a lot of the qualities I was looking for. He was tall, handsome, financially secure, adorable and lots of fun. And then he became really needy, a bit controlling, passive aggressively critical and eventually downright mean, so I dumped him. I packed up my stuff and left. He contacted me a few weeks later and had the nerve to ask me if I missed him. I honestly answered, “NO.” I think he was shocked. I’m sure he expected me to want him back, but I didn’t and I still don’t. I feel liberated, and the fact that I do, tells me how much stronger I have become.
I don’t regret the time I spent with him because I learned a lot about myself and about men in general, and here is what I have concluded. As simplistic as it may sound, there are really only two types of men in this world: the good ones and the bad ones. The good guys are the ones who see their role as providers and protectors. They take care of the people they love and find joy and satisfaction in making others happy. They will bring you chicken soup when you are sick, ask about your day (and really listen), and do the dishes without expecting a medal and a parade. Unfortunately, at my age, I’m finding that pretty much all of them are married.
The single guys are often times the bad ones. I call them the takers and the consumers. These are the type who are looking for you to pick up where their ex-wives, who divorced them, left off. They view women for their utility and what we can do for them. Here are some real like examples of the things men have requested of me on the first date.
Loser Larry had recently purchased some raw land that he wanted to develop into a conference center and a retreat. He thought my marketing and sales skills would be an asset to him and asked me if I wanted to partner with him and invest. Seriously. Was this a date or a business meeting?
Dan the Developer, was another “business meeting” date. He had just moved to the area (lived with his mom) and wanted to start building houses again. He brought along a portfolio of his work and asked me if I would design his website (for free) and introduce him to the realtors I know.
Steve the Sea Captain owned a live aboard sail boat and wanted to rent it out as a bed and breakfast and thought I’d make a great hostess and chef.
All of these men are basically selfish, self-centered creeps, but the one who riled me the most was Bob the Bore. We met at a wine bar where he droned on and on about himself, talking in condescending mansplain speak with hollow platitudes like, “Relationships are hard.” No kidding Bob. I felt like I was on a date with Dr. Phil. He did not ask me one question. I couldn’t wait to leave. I kept telling him to finish his wine. As we were wrapping things up, he leaned in and said, “How about for our next date, I let you cook for me.” Oh. My. God.
If this is the dating pool, I’m not jumping in. I’m going to stay dry, sit in the shade and read my book. And I’m fine with that. I’m going to stop looking and hope that some day the right man will find his way to me. Recently I met a woman at a business function who told me she met her boyfriend at the golf course. She was standing next to her car and struggling to assemble a golf bag cart. He saw she needed help and offered to assist. They’ve been together ever since. That’s the kind of guy I want. If I found one like that, I would definitely cook for him.
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