Every morning when I wake up and every night as I settle into bed, and pretty much all day long, I rejoice in a state of euphoric joy that I am no longer married to a malignant narcissistic sociopath. I got away. I survived. And now I’m thriving. I am at peace knowing that I am free. I am so grateful for so many things… Some that many may take for granted, but I don’t.
I am no longer a slave to someone else’s whims or demands, walking on eggshells and living in fear of his next authoritarian tirade. My life is my own and I can do whatever I want. When I was married to Varg, I couldn’t watch a movie or read a book because that took time away from him. Instead, I had to stop what I was doing and listen to his crazy ramblings about his ridiculous business ideas or soothe his bruised ego. I once clocked the amount of time I spent listening to him talk and it amounted to three hours. I remember coming home from work one day and wanted to tell him about something great that had happened to me and as I started to speak, he brushed me off and scoffed dismissively, “Does this apply to me? Will I find this interesting?” His time was much to valuable to waste it listening to me.
Every image in this photo represents all of the things I now get to enjoy that before I used to have to do in secret. I know that sounds crazy, but that is what my life was like married to a narcissist. Now, when I wake up, I make myself some tea and I get back in bed and read the newspaper. I listen to the birds chirping outside, and watch the sunrise. Afterward I’ll take a walk down to the beach, which is minutes from my house. For dinner, I can make whatever I want. Sometimes it’s cereal. I get to read in bed at night without fear that he’ll scowl that the light is bothering him. I spend my free time any way I want to, and most of all, I get to pursue my dreams.
I had lunch today with a girlfriend who recently left a bad marriage. I asked her how she liked single life and she glowed, “It’s awesome. I get to do whatever I want and I love it.”
I totally get it.
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